Our deepest pain, brings our deepest healing
Healing is an Art. It takes Time. It takes Practice. It takes Love.
As a sit and reflect on this past year, it brings up an intense amount of emotion and gratitude. Never would I have predicted the events that occurred this year ….. I am supposed to psychic….right?! Am I even the same person that entered 2018 than I am leaving it? This year’s focus was on life lessons, transformation and personal growth. I was put in uncomfortable positions where some altering life changes needed to be made.
This summer I focused on building my business, connecting with clients and creating partnerships. Stepping out of the “closet” so to speak and really putting myself out there. During the summer months I had lost myself in work, which brought up a lot of fear, anxiety, and depression. Not allowing myself time to recharge and pushed myself to new limits. I realize now, this was all part of the bigger picture.
Slowly my depression began to creep back up, having kept it at bay for the last few years, my anxiety was at an all time high. Obsessive thoughts over took my mind, controlling my every day. I knew that change was brewing, it was not an option, but necessary. The signs were all around me, everywhere I looked, messages from spirit, and these were no longer whispers, but screams. I continued to ignore the urges, I denied my truth, pushing it aside and saying “I will”. Spirit got tired of my procrastination and took the necessary steps of changes into their own hands.
In the fall, the rug was swept out from under my feet with the two words i feared the most……”it’s over”. My relationship disintegrated rapidly right before my eyes. All the love that I had kept in a little box under lock and key, was ripped out of my tight grasp. The pieces starting sifting through my fingers like sand. The more I tried to hold it all together, the more it crumbled into a million tiny pieces, leaving me holding nothing.
With this heart wrenching break up, I spiraled into a dark hole of depression, hitting rock bottom. I allowed my grief to swallow me up. My body was in constant pain, I was unable to breath, the heaviness on my chest was unbearable, but the physical pain was nothing like the agony of the shattering of my heart. How can something so painful be so silent? Didn’t everyone else hear it?! Like the sound of a car crash, and the silence after, the eerie knowing that someone did not make it.
I allowed my grief to swallow me whole, I welcomed an inner death to occur. As I lay in bed one evening, praying for an end to the pain. Just like the tower card in traditional tarot, my whole castle was set on fire and I was at the top of the turret, all I wanted to do was jump to my demise, save myself from burning alive. The pain would have been less severe than the heartbreak i was experiencing at the time. During this period of contemplation, I heard the most clearest message from spirit ….my journey had only just begun. No matter how much I no longer wanted to continue, spirit was not allowing me to quit. Through our deepest pain, we experience our deepest healing. In order to be a healer, I must experience pain, grief and sadness. No one wants a perfect healer, in fact, they want a wounded one.
During my collapse, I immersed myself into the only thing I knew how to do with certainty…. my spiritual practice. I committed to loving myself unconditionally. All the love that I wanted to give, I gave to myself. Empowering and healing my soul. Pushing myself to help others, in the hopes of healing others I would in turn heal myself.
Beautiful things began to unfold during this time of destruction and chaos. My business began to flourish, and I give spirit all the credit. When I look back at my mental, emotional and physical state there is no way that I did this on me own. All the pieces fell together in perfect stride. Everything fell into place with ease and grace, these are the moments that you know are spirit guided and driven. Trusting wholeheartedly that this was the right decision and it would lead me on the path of a huge awakening. This is proof that when something is meant to be, there is always a way.
I realize now that my world had to crumble and burn to the ground in order for me to be reborn and re-birthed. I came out of this pain with a greater understanding about myself and others. A greater sense of love, which pushed me to new limits, things that I never thought that I could do. Sometimes we have to feel like we have lost it all in order to jump. Nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
With all the pain that was experienced this year, I also experienced so much love and support. I would not change it, if I had the chance. I see so many beautiful and prosperous opportunities unfolding for me. New relationships have emerged and business opportunities are being presented.
As you reflect on the year that has passed, do not hold fear, anger or judgement. Be thankful for all the people that were brought into your life for very specific reasons. Send blessings and love to those who could no longer stay. Open your heart to new relationships and opportunities. Give gratitude to the life lessons that were learned, and take this knowledge forward into the new years ahead. Send healing to the hurt and pain that was endured, not only by yourself, but by others as well.
I have a huge love for rituals and believe that they are truly powerful and effective. Today take time to not only release any feelings, thoughts, beliefs or relationships that no longer serve your highest good, but to take time to set your intentions and give the gratitude deserved.
Open your heart to the abundance that is flowing to you, open your heart to the love that is manifesting and growing. One of the most powerful quotes that I have heard was, you can not heal in the same environment that made you sick. Get real with yourself, what are the changes that need to be made in your life? Are you a victim of self sabotage? Are you continuing to live in the same manner and expect different results? You have the power, you have the control to make the changes necessary.
Like the phoenix emerging from the ashes of destruction, open your wings, feel your power and fly. You were put on this earth for a reason, follow your heart and your life’s purpose. Your rejections, are blessings in disguise. Be thankful for all of your wishes that did not come true, as you will be graced with blessings far beyond your wildest imagination and dreams. Spirit has a much bigger plan for us, than our human mind can comprehend. Trust in the magic, as it flows through you.
May you step into 2019 with purpose, passion, love and intention. Sending you blessings, abundance and prosperity with these new energies emerging.
So Mote it Be
In Spirit,
Ashley
