Change your story
and remember who you are
I was extremely trigger during a conversation this morning, as I could feel my blood boil as the conversation progressed. I stopped, took a step back and asked myself why I felt this has triggered a deeply rooted issue within my soul. I ended the conversation and took time to reflect on my feelings on the matter.
Essentially the conversation was about how one culture of women, tend to perform different tasks in a relationship. At first this irritated me, because as women we are so often lumped together in a category based upon our up bringing and culture. You must or should be this way, because you are Caucasian, Aboriginal, East Indian, African American, Chinese, Ukrainian, and so on and so on. This takes away our individuality, our uniqueness and quite frankly takes away our power to be who ever the hell we want to be!
I am trying to write this post with as much love and compassion as possible, but this has stirred a fire inside of me that I can not quite put a damper on.
It all comes down to expectations that are put on all of us. This post is not just for women, but also for men. How often do we make our choices or second guess ourselves because of the expectations of others? We hesitant in speaking our truth, because that is not what is expected of us. We turn down that opportunity, because that is not in our so called “blue print”, maybe we feel that we are not worthy of what this opportunity may bring into our life.
Stereotyping who we will grow up to be, so essentially if you have come from a broken home, expect to have relationships that are abusive and unhealthy. If you come from a home with structure and religion, expect your life to be full of opportunities and right choices.
Drug addictions, depression, anxiety, unhealthy relationships, success, happiness, confidence, healthy relationships, our choices in life, are not predicated by our past or culture. We have the power to change our beliefs, our ways of life and all our choices are our own.
Women, how many times have you asked yourself, what is expected of me? You go on a first date, does the thought run through your mind as you are getting ready, what should I wear, what is the message I want to send out? Do I wear the low-cut top and tight jeans? Will he think I am trying too hard? Maybe just keep it casual. Red lipstick or not? Will I look like a prostitute? Okay, now the big question, what if he wants to have sex? If I say, yes, he is going to think I am a slut. That little voice in your head steps in, the shame, women are not supposed to enjoy sex, women are not supposed to have sex on the first date, don’t you know you should be leaving him wanting more, playing the persona of the “good girl”? We choose jobs, that are culturally appropriate, jobs that we are expected to do. In relationships, women are to put our partners first, take care of their needs and ours second. Our children come first, our house hold chores comes first, our jobs and careers, we are taught to put all of it in the forefront of us and are expected to put ourselves last!! How in the world can you take care of everyone else, when you have nothing left to give?
Men, how many times do you go on a first date, and stress about not coming off too strong, worried about sexual assault allegations. Fear may arise because you are expected to foot the bill. Consciously choosing your words so you don’t show too many emotions, you must be manly and don’t show any of your weaknesses…. because you know women like a big strong man to take care of them. Maybe your thoughts go towards the end of the evening, does she ask me to come in, what are her expectations? Does she want to have sex? I don’t want to come off too strong, but I don’t want her to think I am not into her. Men also choose jobs that are masculine appropriate, shying away from possibly their passions, because that work is not a “man’s” job. In relationships they tend to take all the weight on their shoulders, never breaking down or showing their fears or emotions…. because don’t you know women only want a man that is strong and stable 100% of the time.
Unrealistic expectation after expectation are put on us, creating this box of limitations and boundaries of who we can be.
Ladies, I will tell you a little secret, you can like sex and fucking enjoy it! Men you don’t always have to be strong and emotionless. If you have come from a broken home, you are worthy of a healthy and loving relationship. If addiction is a common path in your family history, you can choose to travel down a different road. These cycles can be ended, and the wheel can be recreated.
Understandably so, if you have come from a home that has not instilled self love, worthiness and compassion, then your road may be more difficult but not impossible. Do not put limitations on your dreams, goals and desires because of your past experiences. The hard work will be worth the effort and the rewards will be plentiful.
Do not allow yourself to be pressured into being someone you are not because of the way you are expected to be. Just the same as if you were to come from a very prestigious upbringing, your goals that you are expected to achieve are most likely unrealistic and unattainable. When you live a life with an open heart, and allow your truth to lead, you step into your authentic state of being. This state of being has no restrictions or limits on what you can or can not do.
If your authentic self is conservative and shy, then let that shine. If your authentic self, is bold and fierce, then let that soar. Whatever you do, do it with intention and love. Say “NO” to the things that no longer light passion inside of you. Stop doing things for your partner because they are expected of you and begin makes choices from the heart. Live with the intention of love, and not expectations.
My challenge to you, is for every decision or choice you make, ask your heart if it is in alignment to your soul? So when you slip on that low-cut top, if it brings you joy…... fucking rock it! If you feel a strong connection on a first date, and you want to have sex, release the guilt of it and enjoy the moment. If you want to take off that mask of strength and be real and vulnerable, then let it all fall away. The right people will LOVE you for exactly who YOU are! Let the others fall away, because they do not deserve your beautiful and magic soul.
Let me tell you, no matter what you do, whether it is expected or not, there will ALWAYS be someone that does not agree. So, let all the expectations go, release yourself from the shackles, and just do YOU!
Blessing,
Ashley
